By RODNEY HO/ firstname.lastname@example.org, originally filed Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Todd Chrisley was far less aggravating this week now that he moved out to the countryside. He took his family to Stanford Hall, a luxury estate outside of London.
“This is how I was meant to live,” he said. “My entire life, when I was young, I used to lay on my mom’s sofa and watch ‘Dynasty’ and dreamed of being Blake Carrington.”
“There is a certain refinement the way they live,” Todd said. “Taking the children to a place like this, some of it will rub off.”
Maybe. There’s a butler. But no Wi Fi.
Savannah and Chase are none too pleased. “This is like the backwoods of England,” Chase opined. “This is not what I had in mind for my birthday. As usual, it’s Daddy’s vacation and it’s my birthday!”
Todd’s happiness is punctured by a dish of pigeon. Then the family starts bickering. So the next day, an etiquette expert is brought in.
“I want my family to learn the art of etiquette,” he said, “wearing tweed all day!”
His interpretation: The Brits “are just more polite when they tell you to f*** off.”
They also learn how to handle falcons. Grandma reads poetry. Julie sips tea. The kids are bored.
“I need Wi Fi,” Savannah whined.
“Bye Felicia,” said Grayson.
Even an effort to dress up for a Christmas portrait in vintage British wear crumbles. Todd: “The vintage costumes I felt would be great. But they have an odor. They itch. I don’t know how many hundreds of people have been inside these things. I may have gone overboard.”
And he gets hungry, too, sneaking in potato chips and a candy bar.
“Maybe I’m not from royalty,” he finally concluded. “I’m starving. I’m missing America!”
So alas, they return home, happy to be in Atlanta.
“We need to learn to be more appreciative,” Savannah said. “We didn’t realize what a big deal Wi Fi was.”